the 5-hour jogwalktalk session with buddy was good. i actually got to tell him things that i never thought i would although there were still some reserves on certain parts. well, i’m still as predictable as he said i was so there wasn’t a need to say everything also. then, it made me feel lousy for not being able to do the same. that feeling again, it just stroke. anyways, don’t you think human beings are weird? sometimes you know that it’s a dead end ahead, yet you still walked on knowing you have to make a U-turn out sooner or later. or probably, people are skeptical about this “Dead End Ahead” sign they see and thus just want to reach it to assure themselves yes, it IS a dead end. do we call that as stupid?
i wanted to say, i’m not blind. neither am i trying to be one. i can see what’s happening. i feel it too. i don’t know how we always pretend to BE okay, pretend that IT’S okay, when it’s not. but we just did. for long enough. probably i was already out of the picture. or maybe, still hanging at the edge waiting to drop off. i don’t try anymore. i wait for it to fade off. i know it isn’t, but i can’t help it. however, bring at the edge makes me worry about the “others” still stuck inside the picture. the way it’s being handled makes me think.. how is it even possible? well, actually i don’t know what kind of ending i’d love to see in this story but i still feel there’s a need for that somebody to write the ending. keeping status quo ain’t helping anybody, at all. or maybe it is; just yourself. i gave up trying to figure what you could be thinking, but i know, as i’ve always been saying, i’ll step out soon. i know i will be fine. i just hope none of “them” gets hurt in the end. and hope is the only thing i can do. other than getting out of it at the same time, of cos.. maybe staying away will help. i’ll do it well. i believe in myself.
have you moved on?