I feel like a fool. Each time, anything regarding or related to you, I become one. Hate it that I can’t resist it. I thought I was supposed to be firm, supposed to be tough, supposed to be so much stronger. Honestly, I just can’t figure.. Why start something you don’t want to end? I already did my best & let you go. I slowly climbed out of tt stupid pit. But why? Why did you have to pull me back in and then leave me all alone inside again? If this is part of your game, i’m sick of it. Well, more of tired I suppose. Tired of being such a fool for you.
忐忑.
a great supper and gossipy nights out with part of my Ev*lution babies. could have been better if we could stay out longer because i so didn’t appreciate being home early. maybe i was just being overly emo. what i wanted to was really just have a talk because i’m so lost in this inception thing haunting me for awhile now.
i thought i lost the ability to cry when nothing comes out of my eyes no matter how hurt i feel these days. today, i feel like all my tears of this one week or two accumulated and flowed out all at once like an open tap. just with this one message i’ve been and stopped waiting for. maybe it might have been just insignificant to you. or just another pitiful one for me. with or without it, though, i already got the answer i want. still, thankyous. at least i’m finally letting these trapped tears out. after this, i’ll be okay again..
我们都怕痛.
have been losing my temper very easily lately. it seems like i can’t even control my emotions at all these days. it pains me to see myself hurting people around who loves me. i really don’t mean to be like this. i’m really sorry. on another note, driving in the pouring rain today was traumatizing. i almost lost control over Ranger and sent us both to hell. life’s that fragile, i am that weak. sometimes i feel like everything is like a test to me but somehow, i’m just failing it all. it’s official; i’m really tired..
just bring me away, please..
因为还是很执著.
of a typical work day, my usual random lunch date, e legendary oolong & milk tea herbal jelly gong cha, very short & un-fruitful Halloween shopping, last min canceled retail visit, a belated-Halloween themed AGM, partying with the mummies, catching up with councilors, random red wine & crafty saboteur, all packed in a day; my awesome Monday. (:
快要不认识自己了..
half-truths.
desktop is finally back and running fine again! that’s when i get pictures up too. anyways, met up with my lovely DAZ last Wednesday for ladies night at Butter. well, probably the last few sessions for Jul and Sasa babes since they never liked/went. had a good time still, i hope? well, we do need a good meet up again soon for a chat. plan it, anyone? (:
this continuous working act is finally killing me. mad exhausted everyday and i’m constantly yawning. idk how to strike a balance anymore.. opportunity costs? what should i sacrifice?
it’s funny how people always give me the weird stare or “oh c’mon” reply when they hear that i’m heading home on a Friday night. same goes when learning that i’m working on weekends. is it that hard to believe? or do i look like somebody who should have more life than that? *laughs* well, i supposed i used to. these days, i wonder if it’s the lack of company, lack of energy, or simply just.. lack of interest..
cause and effect.
i’m so tired from all the thoughts. i don’t know what’s going through my head anymore. i can’t figure what is important, can’t decide on what i want. i’m not going through a rough patch. not yet. but why? why do i feel so exhausted? why do i feel like taking a long long break? taking a break that’s going to last forever, and to the infinity… i wanna get away. why?
eewhesteey.com 