a photo i managed to find; taken on cousin’s 21st birthday in 2006.
grandma is in purple. (:

been down at the wake for the past couple of nights; keeping grandma company for the last possible time. tmr later will be the day where the beautiful shell of her soul will be transformed into ashes for us to keep. can we smile and bid goodbye?

yea, life is unpredictable. and i’m starting to treasure the relationship with my granny now. at least, i don’t want to have the same regrets i am having with my grandma now.

this is the first time looking at a breathless body of someone close. my previous loss was my maternal grandpa when i was only 4, and thus, have completely no memories of it. i used to visit my grandma almost every single week. it was like a routine for us grandchildren, following our mums back to their maternal home. but somehow, the frequency of the visits depleted as i grew up. lately, i merely used cubby (the pet dog which i’m pretty afraid of) as an excuse and i almost stopped visiting her completely. the day before she left us, mummy still visited and had a long chat with her. guess no one ever expected that it will be the last. thinking back, the last time i saw grandma alive was, i think, during CNY. long huh? what an unfilial granddaughter i was. but because she was so young & so free from illnesses, i’ve never imagined this day coming that soon. as sudden as a lightning would strike, she’s gone. her body was already cold when she was found, and the smell of her favourite cigarette still lingers on. her last words were most probably the usual “shut up!” she used reprimanding cubby. and he, was the only one by her side at the very moment she passed on; nobody else heard her last goodbye. from what i know, there were just so much she couldn’t bear to leave behind. sometimes i wished she can bring her biggest worry – my big uncle – with her. at least, i wouldn’t have to hate him more than i already am. SIGH. in any case, rest your soul well, grandma. it’s time you deserve this good rest. join grandpa in heaven now, and send my regards to him as well. LOVES.

on a side note, thanks a dozen to all friends who dropped by the wake! your presence is so appreciated.. as for those who didn’t manage to, thanks for the thought as well. anyways, hopefully BB lecture can end early laters..