eewhesteey.com

it’s funny how people always give me the weird stare or “oh c’mon” reply when they hear that i’m heading home on a Friday night. same goes when learning that i’m working on weekends. is it that hard to believe? or do i look like somebody who should have more life than that? *laughs* well, i supposed i used to. these days, i wonder if it’s the lack of company, lack of energy, or simply just.. lack of interest..

cause and effect.

i’m so tired from all the thoughts. i don’t know what’s going through my head anymore. i can’t figure what is important, can’t decide on what i want. i’m not going through a rough patch. not yet. but why? why do i feel so exhausted? why do i feel like taking a long long break? taking a break that’s going to last forever, and to the infinity… i wanna get away. why?

i just.. it’s just….

indecisive much?

the 5-hour jogwalktalk session with buddy was good. i actually got to tell him things that i never thought i would although there were still some reserves on certain parts. well, i’m still as predictable as he said i was so there wasn’t a need to say everything also. then, it made me feel lousy for not being able to do the same. that feeling again, it just stroke. anyways, don’t you think human beings are weird? sometimes you know that it’s a dead end ahead, yet you still walked on knowing you have to make a U-turn out sooner or later. or probably, people are skeptical about this “Dead End Ahead” sign they see and thus just want to reach it to assure themselves yes, it IS a dead end. do we call that as stupid?

and..

put it up.

whether it’s true to your heart or not, even if you have to, just fake it. it’s supposed to match your outfit more. these days, i think i just found that something to make me smile. now i just have to learn to maintain it even in its absence.

plant expectations, reap disappointment.

spell me infinity.

someone once said that we should all move on and find someone new. because only that way, we’ll be able to free ourselves from all the complications. but somehow, i suppose we will have to close one door before we can open another.. what if things get more complicated instead of being simplified the more you try? what if and what ifs.. aren’t we all tired of that already?

this too shall pass, again.

pretense?

feels like i just been through a really packed week, with birthday celebrations and work. funnily, this two items cancel off each other in monetary terms. *laughs* on another note, been having one of a mixed emotion lately. hate to admit but i can’t exactly deny how much i’m hurting. i thought i’ve begun to feel a little lesser, care very much lesser and all but nah.. apparently i haven’t.. i’m still affected, very much. but probably not as much as before as i’ve come to see a bigger picture now. buddy was telling me how predictable i was which really makes me wonder how i can make myself less of that.. then again, that wouldn’t be me already, would it? times like this.. i can’t figure who i should turn to. i know i shouldn’t be inclined. but, who’s to say who made me that way? what is the fairest option? which is the right path to take? i ponder on….

old habits die hard.