eewhesteey.com

indecisive much?

the 5-hour jogwalktalk session with buddy was good. i actually got to tell him things that i never thought i would although there were still some reserves on certain parts. well, i’m still as predictable as he said i was so there wasn’t a need to say everything also. then, it made me feel lousy for not being able to do the same. that feeling again, it just stroke. anyways, don’t you think human beings are weird? sometimes you know that it’s a dead end ahead, yet you still walked on knowing you have to make a U-turn out sooner or later. or probably, people are skeptical about this “Dead End Ahead” sign they see and thus just want to reach it to assure themselves yes, it IS a dead end. do we call that as stupid?

and..

put it up.

whether it’s true to your heart or not, even if you have to, just fake it. it’s supposed to match your outfit more. these days, i think i just found that something to make me smile. now i just have to learn to maintain it even in its absence.

plant expectations, reap disappointment.

spell me infinity.

someone once said that we should all move on and find someone new. because only that way, we’ll be able to free ourselves from all the complications. but somehow, i suppose we will have to close one door before we can open another.. what if things get more complicated instead of being simplified the more you try? what if and what ifs.. aren’t we all tired of that already?

this too shall pass, again.

pretense?

feels like i just been through a really packed week, with birthday celebrations and work. funnily, this two items cancel off each other in monetary terms. *laughs* on another note, been having one of a mixed emotion lately. hate to admit but i can’t exactly deny how much i’m hurting. i thought i’ve begun to feel a little lesser, care very much lesser and all but nah.. apparently i haven’t.. i’m still affected, very much. but probably not as much as before as i’ve come to see a bigger picture now. buddy was telling me how predictable i was which really makes me wonder how i can make myself less of that.. then again, that wouldn’t be me already, would it? times like this.. i can’t figure who i should turn to. i know i shouldn’t be inclined. but, who’s to say who made me that way? what is the fairest option? which is the right path to take? i ponder on….

old habits die hard.

miscue.

just realised my previous entry was pretty misleading. i had people asking me and all. thanks but no, not relationship problems. heh. i’m long and far away from that. just some issues in my life. which, other than relationship……. i think it should be pretty obvious what else it can be already? *laughs* in any case, i supposed keeping a positive and clear mind is important. although it’s not something i am coping well with, i guess it’s still manageable. somehow, i just don’t have the courage for too many things. in search of something to boost my confidence. hahahah.

thankyou..

somebody..

was feeling so down and lousy today. somehow demoralized with what i see and hear happening around me. i can’t believe i laid on bed and cry as soon as i got home. sometimes i really think too much. but i guess i’m just not ready for all these.. probably that is why i am always kept in the dark when such things happen. sometimes i’m really tired. sometimes i just need a direction. most of the times, i just can’t help but whine.. in any case, the little words of care and concern do help. so thankyou to those who offered them to me. you know who you are. my sincere gratitude! ((:

i’d hide it so you won’t notice.

but what if, you’ve no idea what your dreams are? i think that’s the problem with me. am just too anal somehow. i love to dwell on the past. dwell on things that are already over, sometimes even wishing i can go back in time. it’s almost equivalent to crying over spilled milk.  maybe the saying that “the grass is always greener on the other side” really stands. i never like how my life is going at any point, then i look back and think “hey, those were the times, so much better. i missed it.” maybe another year or two from now, i’d wished i’m back here again, as much as i detest being here now. make sense, no? *laughs*

greatness of the past.

can’t figure.

sometimes, i wonder if i lost the time, the skills, or the interest to do what i want to do. take this blog as the simplest form of example. i always loved to have it in my own personalised template. and i almost will never open it to public before i’m done. i’d rather stay on old skins which i’ve been using for months but just will never use something called an in-built template. (well, that’s the reason why i paid for Custom CSS anyways) but look what’s happening now! i’m trying to accept the fact that i’m tired now and don’t feel like editing it at all. worse, i don’t even feel like reverting it back to my older personalised template. *laughs*

okay. pardon me for the paragraph of unknown whines. guess i was just doing some soul-searching within. well, i probably just grew up, am older already thus less particular about such insignificant stuff. too tired to always go after these somehow. i seem to have lost myself somewhere. but i actually felt like a part of me have moved on..

but i’m entering into another pit.