eewhesteey.com

miscue.

just realised my previous entry was pretty misleading. i had people asking me and all. thanks but no, not relationship problems. heh. i’m long and far away from that. just some issues in my life. which, other than relationship……. i think it should be pretty obvious what else it can be already? *laughs* in any case, i supposed keeping a positive and clear mind is important. although it’s not something i am coping well with, i guess it’s still manageable. somehow, i just don’t have the courage for too many things. in search of something to boost my confidence. hahahah.

thankyou..

somebody..

was feeling so down and lousy today. somehow demoralized with what i see and hear happening around me. i can’t believe i laid on bed and cry as soon as i got home. sometimes i really think too much. but i guess i’m just not ready for all these.. probably that is why i am always kept in the dark when such things happen. sometimes i’m really tired. sometimes i just need a direction. most of the times, i just can’t help but whine.. in any case, the little words of care and concern do help. so thankyou to those who offered them to me. you know who you are. my sincere gratitude! ((:

i’d hide it so you won’t notice.

but what if, you’ve no idea what your dreams are? i think that’s the problem with me. am just too anal somehow. i love to dwell on the past. dwell on things that are already over, sometimes even wishing i can go back in time. it’s almost equivalent to crying over spilled milk.  maybe the saying that “the grass is always greener on the other side” really stands. i never like how my life is going at any point, then i look back and think “hey, those were the times, so much better. i missed it.” maybe another year or two from now, i’d wished i’m back here again, as much as i detest being here now. make sense, no? *laughs*

greatness of the past.

can’t figure.

sometimes, i wonder if i lost the time, the skills, or the interest to do what i want to do. take this blog as the simplest form of example. i always loved to have it in my own personalised template. and i almost will never open it to public before i’m done. i’d rather stay on old skins which i’ve been using for months but just will never use something called an in-built template. (well, that’s the reason why i paid for Custom CSS anyways) but look what’s happening now! i’m trying to accept the fact that i’m tired now and don’t feel like editing it at all. worse, i don’t even feel like reverting it back to my older personalised template. *laughs*

okay. pardon me for the paragraph of unknown whines. guess i was just doing some soul-searching within. well, i probably just grew up, am older already thus less particular about such insignificant stuff. too tired to always go after these somehow. i seem to have lost myself somewhere. but i actually felt like a part of me have moved on..

but i’m entering into another pit.

sometimes, when I get tired of myself, my life, and everything around me, I very much wished I could know the reason why. I wished I could express myself better with words. I read books and blogs, I see how people seem to write a fanciful story, an awesomewordsful article and I start to wonder.. why don’t I seem to possess this “power of language”? then again, I try to search within myself and never fail to realise how weak I am in all aspects of life. not that I like bringing myself down or simply being a pessimist. honestly, somehow confidence and self-esteem were never in my dictionary. I understand all these negative thoughts can be changed and improved so long as I set my heart to do it. but why does it just seem so hard? have I not tried? or have I failed just too many times that i’m alr too tired to? I’ve no idea but.. I rest my case.