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; living life backwards while moving forward

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April 2009

Bad sem

i just want to cry out loud.

spent 9 hours re-typing my notes for ethics and i actually thought i knew most things about these three thinkers pretty well enough for the paper. but sigh, the paper really startled me. the questions were all so TOO specific that you just KNOW, or DON’T KNOW the answers. there was no way you could crap them out. plus, he set the word limits like.. less than 30, 45, 170 words for the answers and you JUST know if you’ll get that 10 marks or not. within 30 minutes, i walked out of the exam hall. sigh, i must say, i’m defeated in all 3 wars so far; just hope the last one will be better. ):

after paper.

4

Just great

the love of beans.

great start for my 4 year-old baby. now it’s pretty much cleaned up and working faster. still saving up money for my macbook funds, not anywhere near to affording it so it’s time i treat my current baby with care for now. heh. so yup, haven’t really been active in here because there’s only so much my omnia can do for surfing – mobile twitter, mobile facebook. hahah.

weekends and the 2nd paper.

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Routine

smile from a random source.

stocking up snacks from Co-op after lunch at Makan Place has been our routine for the past week. and as usual, no luck with cash call still. the $300 was such a motivation but a great disappointment too. i still want to believe that one day, from our hardcore trying, we’ll get through the line. in the meantime, just hope kerk gets to, at least, hear the ring. heh! oh, and i’m very happy today because the second 61 came almost right after the one i missed when i reached the bus stop. let that be a good sign, please.. (:

an sms from faraway.
2

Crashed

more time wouldn’t help.

babe’s pick of yan yan biscuit today. but how? it’s so untrue. untrue for cash call, untrue for exams. *shakes head* talking about the latter, the paper was really extremely chui-ed today. i think it’s the worst paper i ever had in these couple of years. i’ve never felt so hopeless in a paper before. didn’t expect marcom to be like that. now, i just hope the following 3 papers will shed some light. sighs.. and i’m currently using the duper slow desktop because my laptop crashed on me 2 days ago. i wonder if it’s a good time (because it saves me from distractions) or a bad time (because it distracts me even further). been trying to revive it but to no avail. can’t even back up stuff from firefox because it seems to trigger the blue-screen more than anything else. hopefully a reformat can bring it back to life..

of mugging, cash calls, and 1st paper.

2

So close

that moment.

it’s currently darkness at SIM now so i suppose the only way i can spend time is with my laptop. anyways, i almost lost my life, or rather, at least half of my life yesterday. idk what was wrong with me either; was so lost in my own world of thoughts that i actually crossed the road when the other side of the traffic light turned green. was still wondering why the cars were moving towards me when i got my senses back. quickly made my way back to safety and i reckon the people around there must have thought i was crazy to walk into the traffic with the vehicles approaching. hur. and to be honest, i was pretty traumatized, i couldnt think straight for the entire journey to work. *laughs* thinking back, if the cars were to be faster or i were to be slower for a couple of seconds, the traffic light in front of my block would have been an accident scene..

of work, bake and cake.

4

Convince

most of the time, the hardest thing to do is
to convince myself.

some things are indeed important while some things really shouldn’t matter. exams are the priorities now; any other plans or thoughts or whatsoever CAN wait. but, saying is so easy; doing is hard. i just hate the feeling of not being firm enough to do command my heart to follow my mind. i detest the feeling of thinking of all the whatever would have been, should have been or is going to be.. maybe for starters, i should just get away and isolate myself, away from the internet and place full concentration on the notes. hopefully by not searching, not trying, not looking, not guessing, not wondering, not knowing and not waiting, things will be better. WELL, so if i don’t blog for the next couple of days, it’ll mean that i’ve successfully convinced myself. hur. till then, we shall see..

on a side note, sometimes going to work is also a form of releasing stress. just, spare me from all the difficult customers tmr please! i’m going to pamper myself and gain some weight for the last time before exams commence in 4 days’ time.. (:

但愿我不会再想念你…
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Squeezing time

♫ i want to break free ♫

with sis at home. had a pretty packed day. well, actually just two things on my list but they already drained off all my energy. i reckon i’ll go to bed soon after finishing up this post. have been sleeping real early these days. well, not the 10pm kind but usually just minutes after the clock strikes 12am. used to be able to stay up till 3 or 4am yet not feeling a bit of tiredness. probably, what i’m experiencing now is more normal..

of mugging and couz’s birthday..

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11 hours

getting gossipy.

i was in school at 8.40am today, stayed all the way till about 8pm and guess what.. those were the ONLY things i wrote on my notes. 11 bloody hours and that’s how much i did. okay, minus two hours i spent going to debrief and meetings, i still get myself stuck at like a page for more than 3 hours. i seriously am so screwed for ethics. i just can’t treat it like a story book and pretend i can understand the whole damn theories. guess buddy is starting to see the fidgety and cranky part of me. i just hate feeling so helpless. ):

on a side note..

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